After watching some Xtube today I realize how much my life's been driven around XXX actors, amateurs and dicks flip flopping in front of a screen lately. Most of the time if not all the time I think about sex, my conversations are sex oriented, the way I see people approach each other to me, have a sort of sexual connotation. A gay guy talking to an astoundingly handsome straight guy means he's up to no good, a straight dude complementing a hot girl's good look is definitely not in for a cup of tea of black tea (unless it ACTUALLY involves bagging) and even by watching dogs on the streets sniffing their butts...
Does that make me sick? Well, I'd rather be known as a highly sexual person than a double morale prude. But what I am afraid of being called it's: Morbid. Hate that word. I could definitely accept I might have some issues in dealing in a world filled with animal intelectualoids that deep down and at some stage have the crude need of reproducing and dare not to accept the fact that they do enjoy it, when they have it. But being called morbid lowers me to a level where sex is a big "no no" in a world filled with morals that condemns those who dare to talk about it; screw that. What I'm also afraid of is that as I get older I will become more stiff, that is, my usual turn ons won't be as simple and become more and more complex (definitely don't think I'll develop a
fetish...or at least I hope not).
Probably that's one of the reasons I don't do relationships. If I know I'm with a guy who at the time is seemingly attractive and interesting, another that's better, bigger and stronger will come up and captivate me and my hormones. Two weeks ago's case, where I had this huge crush on a tall and what seemed interesting guy at work that definitely hinted to be gay, but that turned out to be too much of a bottom in bed and well... big turnoff. Then for a week I pretended I was too busy with work that I couldn't call him (which actually IS true since yesterday I went off work 3 and a half hours of when I was supossed to...for fucks sake, it's the end of the week!) and then he did contact me eventually asking what I was up to and to not be a stranger and give him a call. You become what you hate...I'm saying this because I was being SUCH the hypocrite...Looking for the perfect half is also a bit of a quest and since I'm lazy I can't bother to do that, so I'll just have my fun with as many boys until "the one" comes to me, hopefully he won't trade ME...that is if he ever does find me. Palmistry or Chieromancy says otherwise, my love line is so chained it makes anyone who's married look like Paris Hilton on parole. In chieromancy when one of the three lines (love, mind and life) appear chained, that means that's your "opportunity area". Chuckles. You gotta love these words put together: "opportunity area", used nowadays to replace: "You're fucked up cons".
But, then again I am getting older, wanting more out of things, so I'm peaking to becoming relationship guy. It wouldn't hurt to actually develop feelings for someone right? Looking beyond the sex and pay attention to what they have to say... but I've heard so many stories of heteros and homos getting hurt by their better half that it would just suck that I'd fall into the same pattern I see everyone else getting screwed up in. Am I being a cold, manipulative oversexed bigot? Nah, I'm just ahead fo the curve.
Happy hunting
Have you ever been in love?
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