Dating the Impossible

Ok, so I love this guy from work, he's quirky, smart, knows exactly what to say, (my restlessness actually takes a break when I hear him speak) and he's cute. Unfortunately, he kinda throws me off by commenting of what type of men he likes (dominating, tall and white) and also he's a superior (as in "gets to tell me what to do" and though I would dig that elsewhere in my bedroom...it doesnt click just right at work).

It's wrong to get mixed up with him, so seriously wrong, but who cares?? I wanna have a taste and I wanna have it pronto. My sexual tension is at it's highest around him that I could possibly light up a whole city block with it. I could never dare myself to tell him anything and the reason to it is because, well...I want more than sex with him, more than a makeout session. I feel it's time to put a stake on the ground and raise my "available" flag for all to see, and right behind that my white mating tent filled with leathery treats and colorful toys. Need someone in my life right now that can direct me to my next evolution stage. The first one was coming out, the second is the realization of a purpose and the third a motive to love. The latter could be a combination of 3 important men in my life but I don't think it could be that way... or in that order.

I'm not wearing underwear righ now, in hopes for my pheromones to dissapate better in the air and bring to me the correct mate. Yes, its true, its Sunday anyways, so underwear can get a rest too, why not? It'a not like I'm a blonde celebrity riding the back of my limo making myself more comfortable...

I'm sounding like a sad and lonely gay man in look for the Prince Charming that will never come, geez! I mean, I'm in my late 20's, I should be having fun and trying new stuff with as many people as I can, not looking forward to run in the relatinships parade! What is wrong with me? Why is he pounding my thoughts right now and making me feelt this way? Is it because I'm making it look wrong? Is it because I'm needy and lonely right now? (have not had sex in the past 6 months). So the lesson here in this paragraph is "your 20's are to have fun, your 30's are to find love". As for gay men out there waiting for their corsair: Wake the fuck up! NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Not if you're sitting on your ass and not making an effort to accept that your bipolarism is the cause that's gearing you into loneliness. Your corsair could be sitting next to you, at a restaurant, or taking a piss at the bar's toilet trying to find the effort to come up to you and invite you a drink or staring at the mirror in his apartment memorizing a speech that he's probably not going to have the courage to say in front of you or riding his car singing to a romantic song and dedicating it to you....He's also trying to find you but you're not willing to be found!

Had an Irish friend come the other day and complain how everything's become superficial, that it's hard to find someone right now who's authentic and loves you for who you are. All I could say to him was that he was taking himself for granted and therefore not showing any decent self confidence that made him love himself first before anything else, making him uncapable of loving someone else and therefore not creating any charm that made his aura attractive. Why have we become such victims of our feelings? Is it because sex plays such a big role in our gay lives that if we don´t have it when we wanted it or got rejected by those who we desire that we have forgotten that we're adults and not hormonal brats? I know I have someone out there and if it's you reading this, what the fuck are you waiting for? Drop me a line, I'll make sure you catch up on my life today!

Love you all,

Me.